Love, love me do ...
What do you think are the main ingredients that go towards making a marriage/partnership last for many years?
Dr Raj Persaud speaking on the Richard & Judy chat show recently
told us that one of the main factors that helped glue relationships
together was agreeableness, and he gave one example of this ... when
a woman asks: “Does my bum look big in this?”, the agreeable bloke
would say: “Yes, you look great in that dress”, even if her bum
looked huge.
(But does agreeableness mean boring, I ask you?).
The two other main factors were passion and intimacy … talking to one
another about your feelings, both good and bad.
If you’ve only got two out of the three main factors, then things
could still work out well for you, but if you’ve only got one of them,
then your relationship probably won’t last long.
I’ve mentioned the following in a previous blog – that I asked my dad
what he thought was the secret for a long lasting relationship (his
marriage had been rocky at times), and he said just one word …
“tolerance”.
Mrs C and I were chatting about all this over tonight’s evening
meal (she’s a relationship counsellor, by the way), and she
remarked that a lot of young people she’d talked to in recent
years felt that having several long term relationships in a
lifetime would be the norm for them … so younger peoples’
expectations appear to be somewhat different from us older folk
… not just different but perhaps more realistic?
Perhaps the marriage vows should be changed / reworded to something
like this ….
“... to have and to hold, from this day forth,
... until we get sick of the sight of each other …”
… and at the same time, we should do away with all the wedding
paraphernalia, and just have a great party instead.
Mrs C and I didn’t do anything special on Valentine’s Day this year
… we didn’t exchange any cards or pressies, or do anything special
in the evening. "Shame on you!", I hear you saying.
I did offer to get some perfume for her (to be pre-chosen by her,
as she’s very particular about what scents she’ll wear), but she
said she’d like some perfume later in the year. So instead,
we’ve decided to have a romantic meal out, one evening very soon.
And thinking about shared treats, we’re going on holiday to
Tenerife at the end of this week, so this may be my last blog
until we get back at the end of Feb.. The weather forecast is
looking very good … some lovely warm sunshine due this coming week
.. and no doubt a romantic evening meal or two.
Talk to you soon.
Dr Raj Persaud speaking on the Richard & Judy chat show recently
told us that one of the main factors that helped glue relationships
together was agreeableness, and he gave one example of this ... when
a woman asks: “Does my bum look big in this?”, the agreeable bloke
would say: “Yes, you look great in that dress”, even if her bum
looked huge.
(But does agreeableness mean boring, I ask you?).
The two other main factors were passion and intimacy … talking to one
another about your feelings, both good and bad.
If you’ve only got two out of the three main factors, then things
could still work out well for you, but if you’ve only got one of them,
then your relationship probably won’t last long.
I’ve mentioned the following in a previous blog – that I asked my dad
what he thought was the secret for a long lasting relationship (his
marriage had been rocky at times), and he said just one word …
“tolerance”.
Mrs C and I were chatting about all this over tonight’s evening
meal (she’s a relationship counsellor, by the way), and she
remarked that a lot of young people she’d talked to in recent
years felt that having several long term relationships in a
lifetime would be the norm for them … so younger peoples’
expectations appear to be somewhat different from us older folk
… not just different but perhaps more realistic?
Perhaps the marriage vows should be changed / reworded to something
like this ….
“... to have and to hold, from this day forth,
... until we get sick of the sight of each other …”
… and at the same time, we should do away with all the wedding
paraphernalia, and just have a great party instead.
Mrs C and I didn’t do anything special on Valentine’s Day this year
… we didn’t exchange any cards or pressies, or do anything special
in the evening. "Shame on you!", I hear you saying.
I did offer to get some perfume for her (to be pre-chosen by her,
as she’s very particular about what scents she’ll wear), but she
said she’d like some perfume later in the year. So instead,
we’ve decided to have a romantic meal out, one evening very soon.
And thinking about shared treats, we’re going on holiday to
Tenerife at the end of this week, so this may be my last blog
until we get back at the end of Feb.. The weather forecast is
looking very good … some lovely warm sunshine due this coming week
.. and no doubt a romantic evening meal or two.
Talk to you soon.
posted by justin at 11:34 pm
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11 Comments:
I think your dad was right, and a sense of humour is a big help. There are many times we have laughed over something that would have caused other people we know to row.
LOM
Yes, I think that's very true, LOM.
Thanks for "dropping in".
Nice post Justin. I think one of my rules is "Know The Arguments You Can't Have"
These include - time she spends on the phone to her mother, who has the more stressful job, who my hobbies are important to me.
Because you'll never win those, but you can still love each other.
Yes, I agree with you there, Cliff.
There are some things that are not worth the hassle, and pointless to challenge (unless you don't mind not having any sex for a week or two, until you apologise for hurting her feelings).
I think you have to think of turning things into a win-win situation ... so the more time she spends on the phone to her mother, means more time for you on the computer. :)
If there's one bloke I can't stand it's Per-Sod! He's such an arrogant sonovabitch!
Anyway, Ten-er-ee-fee! You lucky thing! Don't forget your sun-block. Hee Hee!
i agree with your dad, tolerance is important, as is compromise and spending alone time together.
enjoy your holiday!
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE
PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" ... So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
After 35 years of bliss we think our marriage works because neither of the two of us has yet to be declared the winner!
Hi everyone ... I'm ba-a-ack, as you will have noticed. Thanks for all your comments,
Max: I haven't heard Dr Persaud speak all that often, but I think he doesn't seem all that arrogant to me. Perhaps because I'm an arrogant SOB too.
Angel: I agree what you've said there. Couples do need some quality time together, and yes, compromise is important too ... as Mrs C is always right.
Hello Jack and Martin (?edt)... good of you to drop by... and to let me have your comments about what makes a good marriage. (I tend to let Mrs C do all the talking... well, most of it).
Passion and intimicy. Lovely.
Ah and Romantic evenings are always something to look forward to.
Great to hear from you, SC. I'm a romantic at heart too (though you could ask why am I not having a cuddle in bed with Mrs C this very minute).
I've just been watching a romantic & intriguing finish to a soap opera about a fictitious Royal family (the last of 8 episodes), where the King and his PA declare their love for each other. I cried a little, in the last scene of them together.
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