Editing
How much do we edit the content of what we say to family
and friends? So as possibly not to bore them with the full
details of what might be a dull story anyway, to cover up
what really happened to avoid feeling embarrassed, perhaps,
or not to say or to reiterate negative thoughts or feelings
… so you’re not criticised as being too negative?
Think for a moment about how heavily edited our main TV
news programmes are … the endless deaths in the Middle East
or in Afghanistan for example would otherwise be portrayed
as horrible scenes of blood and body parts strewn all over
the place – nightmarish for those who were there, and
nightmarish potentially for the TV viewers.
I started thinking about this after a simple remark from
Mrs C about her friend having left her coat in our downstairs
cloakroom the other day. I said: “That reminds me of the time
when I left my coat at the hospital when I visited Dad after
his op. (This was in the early 1990s a few months before he
died). I remembered that I'd left my coat behind not long
after I'd set off in the car, and went back to the hospital
to collect it … much to the relief of Mum & Dad.”
What I missed out was my Dad’s angry comment, when I reappeared
at his bedside. Instead of being pleased to see me, he said:
“You turnip-head! Amy ran out after you to catch you up when
we spotted your coat, but you’d gone.” A negative remark,
which was one of many minor criticisms he’d made of me over
the years. I don’t remember receiving much in the way of praise
from him … though I think overall he was pleased with my
achievements.
Why do we remember crappy remarks like this one, but forget or
devalue in our minds some of the good things that have happened
to us? Why don't we forget the crap?
and friends? So as possibly not to bore them with the full
details of what might be a dull story anyway, to cover up
what really happened to avoid feeling embarrassed, perhaps,
or not to say or to reiterate negative thoughts or feelings
… so you’re not criticised as being too negative?
Think for a moment about how heavily edited our main TV
news programmes are … the endless deaths in the Middle East
or in Afghanistan for example would otherwise be portrayed
as horrible scenes of blood and body parts strewn all over
the place – nightmarish for those who were there, and
nightmarish potentially for the TV viewers.
I started thinking about this after a simple remark from
Mrs C about her friend having left her coat in our downstairs
cloakroom the other day. I said: “That reminds me of the time
when I left my coat at the hospital when I visited Dad after
his op. (This was in the early 1990s a few months before he
died). I remembered that I'd left my coat behind not long
after I'd set off in the car, and went back to the hospital
to collect it … much to the relief of Mum & Dad.”
What I missed out was my Dad’s angry comment, when I reappeared
at his bedside. Instead of being pleased to see me, he said:
“You turnip-head! Amy ran out after you to catch you up when
we spotted your coat, but you’d gone.” A negative remark,
which was one of many minor criticisms he’d made of me over
the years. I don’t remember receiving much in the way of praise
from him … though I think overall he was pleased with my
achievements.
Why do we remember crappy remarks like this one, but forget or
devalue in our minds some of the good things that have happened
to us? Why don't we forget the crap?
posted by justin at 6:40 pm
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2 Comments:
ooh i've done that... mostly because i don't feel its necessary to share the "mean" stuff with everyone- we all have our moments after all...
Hi Angel,
I've found out from going to T.A. classes and the like in the past, that it's a good idea not to repeat negative stuff that's happened to you, in conversation with other people, as it kind of reinforces all the bad feelings you had at the time ... not good for your self-esteem.
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