On becoming a private eye
In a conversation about photography last weekend with some relatives, I told them that I would have liked to have been a private eye. I’m a bit of a nosey parker, and like listening in to other people’s conversations rather than saying much myself. I felt a bit intrusive taking so many photos of everyone, rather than talking to people at the wedding, but then photography is the expected norm at family weddings, and I was simply shadowing the official photographer, and was taking less formal shots of everyone, between his posed ones.
I think I would have been quite good at espionage, like 007, if I were trained up to pick locks and abort alarm systems (and trained to tackle and disable people) as 007 was. I was never good at seducing beautiful women, which 007 was good at, but I don’t think M would have been bothered about my lack of skills in that area. I’m also not up to the mark in language skills or in bodily physique. So I’m not really 007 material. Oh well, I can’t have everything.
I’ve been thinking about the film, the Big Sleep, with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall playing the lead roles in it – a brilliant film with lots of sexual chemistry going on between the two of them, and a very sinister atmosphere. So if I were to set myself up as a private dick, I would need to find a seedy office on the first floor of a run-down house in Nottingham, have an ancient telephone, and develop a chain-smoking habit. I’d also need to develop a rude and ruthless couldn’t-care-less attitude towards clients – my years of training as a doctor would stand me in good stead there. A huge zoom lens for my camera would come in very handy too, for taking close-ups of errant partners having a snog in a dark doorway somewhere. Oh, and a battered old car, similar to the banger that Columbo drove around in.
I have a couple of police contacts, who’d be very useful for when it comes to checking car number plates. One of them looks a bit like Ross Kemp, and is training up as a firearms expert. He’s got a charming personality, though somehow he managed to break the nose of a suspect while the latter was hand-cuffed. No doubt the suspect was “resisting arrest”. My contact was suspended from duty while an investigation was carried out, but he’s back at work now. The words, “Dirty Harry” spring to mind. Not that I could ever resort to laying hands or a fist on anyone. That’s not my modus operandi.
Or perhaps I should find more time to lay my hands on this typewriter, improve my writing skills, and start writing a crime novel or two? Just let my imagination run riot, and then add a few gruesome details from the forensic medicine books. Less dangerous work than being a private eye.
I think I would have been quite good at espionage, like 007, if I were trained up to pick locks and abort alarm systems (and trained to tackle and disable people) as 007 was. I was never good at seducing beautiful women, which 007 was good at, but I don’t think M would have been bothered about my lack of skills in that area. I’m also not up to the mark in language skills or in bodily physique. So I’m not really 007 material. Oh well, I can’t have everything.
I’ve been thinking about the film, the Big Sleep, with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall playing the lead roles in it – a brilliant film with lots of sexual chemistry going on between the two of them, and a very sinister atmosphere. So if I were to set myself up as a private dick, I would need to find a seedy office on the first floor of a run-down house in Nottingham, have an ancient telephone, and develop a chain-smoking habit. I’d also need to develop a rude and ruthless couldn’t-care-less attitude towards clients – my years of training as a doctor would stand me in good stead there. A huge zoom lens for my camera would come in very handy too, for taking close-ups of errant partners having a snog in a dark doorway somewhere. Oh, and a battered old car, similar to the banger that Columbo drove around in.
I have a couple of police contacts, who’d be very useful for when it comes to checking car number plates. One of them looks a bit like Ross Kemp, and is training up as a firearms expert. He’s got a charming personality, though somehow he managed to break the nose of a suspect while the latter was hand-cuffed. No doubt the suspect was “resisting arrest”. My contact was suspended from duty while an investigation was carried out, but he’s back at work now. The words, “Dirty Harry” spring to mind. Not that I could ever resort to laying hands or a fist on anyone. That’s not my modus operandi.
Or perhaps I should find more time to lay my hands on this typewriter, improve my writing skills, and start writing a crime novel or two? Just let my imagination run riot, and then add a few gruesome details from the forensic medicine books. Less dangerous work than being a private eye.
posted by justin at 3:47 pm
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3 Comments:
not 007 material?...codswallop... you have certain traits that actually make you QUITE suitable...you can drive a manual gearbox (since debunked)...you can medicate yourself if damaged on the job... A quote from Mr Craig "Every day you pick up an injury and you're battered and bruised" and who needs Moneypenny when you have Mrs C. Poor 007 has his detractors and his supporters...but if bluebottle can be James Bluebottle 007 and a half, cap size... then why not you?. P.S. I don't think rocket launchers would work on the Peugeot 306 though.
Don't forget the trench coat. (My favourite bit is when Bogey in in an antique shop and his quarry goes into a phone box across the street. Quick as a flash he borrows a pair of old binoculars and finds the number the guy dials. Now that's a private eye - or two!
Edt & RW: thanks to you both for dropping in.
Edt: As regards fixing rocket launchers on the Peugeot, that does sound tricky, but then I gather that one of 007's cars will be the Ford Mondeo. I'll be interested to see what Craig does in that. Thanks for all those links .. I'm very impressed.
The trench coat is an excellent idea, RW. I'm calling in at The Lace Market Theatre Wardrobe Department in Nottm next week, so I'll ask what they've got.
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