Monday, July 17, 2006

death of an aunt

Last Friday I went to the funeral of my Auntie J
in Yorkshire. She lived in a small town not far
from York, but slightly too far from York to make
it easy to visit her. She was widowed at 40 and
struggled to bring up her 5 lads on her own.
Later on she took in her disabled mum, and they
all lived in a small 3 bed-roomed council house.
How did they manage to live like that?

J had a grammar school education, but left to
become a secretary to a law firm, and later when
she was bringing up her children on her own, she
became a school cook, cycling 3 miles to the school
and 3 miles back every day in all weathers.

She was not a moaner, even when in later life she
became badly disabled with generalised arthritis,
heart problems, deafness and latterly minimal
eyesight. She became more and more dependent on
various members of her family, who lived in the
area.

I last saw her when she came to my dad’s funeral
in 1992. She was too disabled to attend my mum’s
in 2003, but we kept in touch by occasional letter
writing and via one of her sons, who is one of the
family historians. I’m another one, so she was
interested to hear the latest news on what I’d
found out.

She died of a massive stroke after being in York
County Hospital for 5 days. I didn’t hear the news
until a couple of days before her funeral. I felt
shocked and saddened by her death, and felt tearful
seeing her grieving family at the funeral. I don’t
like going to funerals – seeing family and friends
crying sets me off crying too – I generally feel
more sad for the surviving relatives than the
deceased, except for when my dad and mum died.

I was surprised to receive a condolence card from
my sister & brother-in-law today, though it was kind
of them to send it. I never built up a close
relationship with Auntie J –- I never got to truly
love her, so I don’t feel very emotional about her
death. That’s a sad thing to say about my dad’s one
and only sister.

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