The Drama Triangle

I’ve been deeply affected by reading Reluctant
Nomad’s latest blog (19 Feb). He’s just
received an email/suicide note from a woman,
who thanked him for being a special friend to
her, but then went on to criticise him for
being totally self-obsessed.

Well I felt very close to tears when I read
about RN’s loss and his sadness, but then a
little later I felt very angry with her for
her unjustified criticism. And then I thought,
"Hey, what's going on here, and why am I
feeling so dreadful? I've been down this path
before."

I’ve been at the receiving end of such game
play with various people over the years, and
have ended up feeling badly bruised.

A good many years ago, when I was going
through a mid-life crisis, I went along to
Transactional Analysis classes and had some
personal counselling from a TA therapist also.
It was amazing life-changing stuff.

Part of accepted TA theory is Stephen
Karpman’s “Drama Triangle”, which is a bit
like a three-cornered boxing ring. In one
corner is the “Victim” bleating “Oh, woe is
me”. On hearing this, I jump into the ring
as the “Rescuer” (I'm good at playing this
role - I would have liked to have been one of
King Arthur's knights in shining armour,
helping ladies in distress), and proceed to
offer her some TLC, whereupon the “Victim”
suddenly switches to become the “Persecutor”,
and gives me a verbal punch in the face....
along the lines of, "You patronising bastard.
I don't need your help. You only think about
yourself/sort out your own crap relationships."

So I'm left thinking, "You what???!!! What's
going on here? / Here we go again", and feeling
very hurt and angry.

This rather nasty game has now ended (one-up
for the Victim/Persecutor).

I now avoid getting close to these people,
and keep them at a safe distance away from me,
as I don’t wish to be hurt by them again.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?